Robust ThemeDec 09, 2019 2020-04-08 7:40
That mean girl!
Welcome to the Business and Sequins podcast. I'm your host, Jo Blowfield. This podcast is for any woman who wants inspiration, practical help, and a big load of sparkle and the three areas of business, health or wealth. I have real-life conversations with women who share their journey, their ups, downs, wins and challenges. If you want a bit of sparkle in your life through these great woman stories, then thank you so much for joining the Business and Sequins podcast.
Welcome to another episode of Business and Sequins. So today I have the honour of introducing the lovely Glin Bayley. Glin is just one of the most beautiful, gentle souls that you will ever meet.
So here's a little bit about Glin. She started her finance career over 17 years ago. And she's worked for international global blue-chip companies such as Twinings Tea, Pet x, GE and Coca Cola. Glin was loving what she was doing, she was enjoying the challenge that everything had with regards to working in senior finance. And then in 2014, everything changed for her. Her world was turned upside down on its head when her marriage ended. So she stopped, she reassessed what she was doing. And following her heart, she decided to pick up, leave England, and move to the other side of the world to Australia by herself. So she left her corporate career back behind. And she started her own business called Heart of a Human, which helps women to overcome self-doubt, achieve their goals and get a greater impact in the world. And she's just amazing at heart. H.E.A.R.T. The Self Leadership Method was created in recognition of her own journey of self-leadership. She's also the author of Unstoppable Woman, which has been nominated in the UK for one of the UK Business Book Awards for 2021. And she's spoken on a number of different topics regarding self-leadership. She delivered keynotes and workshops for clients such as Qantas, Woolworths and Chartered Accountants in the ANZ. I'm so excited to have her on our podcast today.
Well, welcome to another episode of Business and Sequins. And I'm so excited. Oh my gosh, I got to room with this lady in June 2021, which was this year, over in Australia, when we went over to a business retreat, and we were roommates. And oh my goodness, she truly is one of my favorite people. So I'm so excited to welcome you, Glin to the show.
I wish we're doing this via zoom this interview via zoom. So if any of your listeners she's not in the room with me, but if she was I would have hugged her so much. So by zoom right now I'm giving her a virtual hug. Hello, welcome to Business and Sequins.
Thank you beautiful Jo, I am so excited to be on this show. Oh my god, Rooming with you is so much fun. So I know, even with this virtual environment, you're gonna make me giggle and laugh. And it's an absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me.
I do love Glin. Because when we meet in Australia at the retreat on the very, very first day, yeah, we went out we had a nice dinner and a nice drink. And we said, you know, we'll go for a few drinks tonight. But then, you know, we'll just keep it kind of low key. And I think that night, we can get home to one or two o'clock in the morning and we'd had a fair bit to drink. And then the next morning, we met each other in the kitchen when we were having a cup of coffee. And we both looked at each other and said we can't keep this up. We have to, you know, we've got to be sensible. It's got to be sincere, but we cannot drink tonight. Yeah, we need to be alert for this retreat and for everything that we're learning during the day. So we cannot drink too much. And I think it was maybe like half past one in the morning that night after we had a few drinks that we just both looked at each other and we know we were not being very responsible.
Thank you about influence, because the way I look at it is life is for living. It's about fun. And we can try and be sensible and I do my best to be sensible most of the time. But usually when I'm in the company of an energetic, beautiful, sparkly person like you, I am more than happy to go rogue. And just yeah, go with it. So it was a very boozy retreat, but lots of fun. And I have to say, Jo, some of the greatest memories of the laughter that we had, and yes, thank you.
Magical time. I know when I look back on that retreat, I just went gosh, it was just so much better. I didn’t have belly laughs like that for a long, long time. But so much fun. But thank you so much for coming on the show. And I've done your intro. I've told the listeners a bit about your background, but in your own words, Glin, do you want to just tell the listeners a bit about your journey in business and personal life?
Yeah, it's it's insane. I look at my life now were 2021 and I definitely would not have said at this point in my life. I'd be sitting as a divorced, single, childless puppy mama running her own business and also consulting for a world leading negotiation consultancy. And it is. Yeah, I have to say where life takes you is very unpredictable. So my journey started in the UK. I had a career in finance. So that was where I started my journey in my early 20s. I’m a qualified accountant by background and worked for large global consumer goods businesses. So companies like Hewlett Packard, General Electric, Coca Cola, and then joined a global conglomerate called Associated British Foods and they owned businesses like George Weston foods here in Australia, Twinings Tea Company, partakes of Indian Curry Sauce brand, lots of other branded food businesses, as well as agricultural businesses and retail businesses. So a big big company background heading up finance functions in those businesses had the opportunity to really flex my understanding of myself through my commercial acumen. And what I loved about finance was the strategic thinking, the big picture, growing businesses, understanding what people did to make businesses grow and understanding human behavior in that aspect. What I didn't love about finance was budgeting, forecasting, the monthly routine, the governance, the audit side, you know, all of, what felt like it was more control, you know, transactional, not the creative side of Finance. And internally, whilst I knew something didn't connect with it, I didn't really know what it was, I couldn't really put my finger on it. I just thought, Okay, well, I've chosen a career now. That's the path that I needed to go on. And it was only in 2014. When my year started with me being pregnant, I was married. And I thought I was going to have the most magical year we've been trying for a family for some time. And unfortunately, I miscarried early on into the pregnancy. And that's brought me and my husband at the time, into this self reflection mode around where we’re going, what was happening? How did we feel about this journey? And long story short, I ended up separating and finding myself at the end of 2014, with no baby, no husband facing single life and wondering what the heck I was going to do. And it was in those moments where you, you then start really looking at what's really important to you. And I felt like I wanted to create something that allowed me to feel like I was moving forward in my life, and not staying stagnant and not looking back with this sense of failure - where have my life come to, what have I accomplished or what are they? What have I made of it and I found myself then making a decision with the guidance of my mom and my sister helping me get clear on what I wanted making a decision to move out to Australia. So I walked into the office when I was working with Twinings, at the time told my group CFO that I needed him to help me find a job in Australia, and then give him 12 months to get me here. And it didn't take 12 months. They helped me out, found an internal opportunity heading up the finance function for the Curry Sauce business here in Australia. And then I was out living here by the end of June. I came here in June 2015. So it happened really quickly visa sorted, you know, stuff packed up, moved my entire life over and I think when you do make those big decisions in life, like that journey of self discovery had been sparked. It was a sense of our there's greater meaning there's greater connection I've got to now find because I was on this I guess trajectory of get married, have a good job have kids was like this buy a big house, have nice cars, this wealth trajectory really basically dictated by what culture around me was saying that he should have. And then when I got to Australia, suddenly there were no rules for me I'd found myself kind of going, okay, who am I? I'm in this new environment starting my life over in my mid 30s, in a new country, realizing that I felt disconnected to finance because it didn't matter to me anymore in the same way I thought it once did, then started exploring myself getting clear on who I am, and then decided to make the big decision. Three years into being in Australia I had to leave my corporate career entirely and start a new chapter in my life. Executive coaching and helping female leaders basically claim their seat at the table to find their own voice and to do what makes their heart sing. Because I think I had realized that I hadn't been doing what made my heart sing, and I didn't know how to find what made my heart sing. And now, having done that for myself, I wanted to be able to share, share that journey with others. And yeah, three years in coaching, COVID had a massive impact on face to face leadership programs that I was running. So I pivoted last year into the online course space running an eight week program now called Unstoppable Woman. And I also consult with a world leading negotiation consultancy firm, which, again, is a new chapter as well in my skill set. So I've been able to bring my skill set of finance and commercial thinking, human behavior and performance, a real passion for people, and bringing all of that together to essentially deliver negotiation training programs, as well as helping female leaders develop their self leadership. So that's been a nutshell, that's still single.
I haven't found the man that quite ticks all the boxes yet. And I found myself a puppy to be a mama too. So yeah, I'm a mum in a way that I never imagined that I would be doing life solo in a way that I didn't imagine at this point in my life, doing a career that I never imagined that I would have the opportunity to experience. I'm just loving what life has brought. It's challenging, and it has its lows. But for the most part, I would say because I've dropped my heart. I feel so connected. Feel so connected to the chaos. And yeah, love the level of it, which is great.
You're one of I mean, it's such a journey. Such a huge journey for you to go from, you know, being married. You're on the other side of the world to just decide better. That is so courageous for you to move to the other side of the world with no one by yourself at a time in your life. When you were feeling, you know, probably low.
Yeah. I mean, we've like, yeah. laughs
Yeah, we think, you know, it takes a huge amount of courage, but then it takes even more courage to actually act and actually follow through because you could easily have just thought, Oh, yeah, I would like to move to the other side of the world, but never actually spark it. And don't waver so courage come from blood. My mum and dad split up when I was three years old. And my mum and dad, when they met, they'd had an arranged marriage. Both my parents were born in India, but my dad grew up in England. And my mum came across from India for an arranged marriage with my dad, she'd never met him. So she trusted that her family had made the right choice in terms of her matching. And she first got shown a photo of him at Heathrow Airport when she landed, having already committed to the marriage. So I kind of think of what she went through to trust her family and the courage she had to get on a plane and come to England from India to get married to someone she'd never met. The relationship lasted three to four years. Me and my sister came into the world. And when they separated, my mom was essentially left on her own to bring that to myself, who was wee at the time, my sister who was worn by on our own, but also not speaking the language says she had never been to school beyond the age of 12. Because in India, her family was really big, but the women in their relationships at the time were all focused on actually bringing that sort of order to the home. So it's a farming family.
And she dropped out of school to essentially look after the family and bring them up. She didn't speak English. And I look at what she went through to bring up two daughters in a foreign country to the one that she had been brought up in, not speaking English. And she managed to get us raised, educated, she bought her own home, she kept us safe. She loved us. And she never once ever gave me the indication that I can create a life for myself, even when things got tough, and I think that's where it comes from. I just think, my start in life whilst it's challenging, and I didn't expect my marriage to end either. And I certainly have my own sort of heartache around that journey. But I think, because my mom has always had this ridiculous smile on her face. And no matter how hard things have gotten, she's been able to laugh, smile, and just connect with being present. I just thought, well, when my marriage ended, it wasn't what I wanted. But through my mum's journey and her learnings, I thought, well, I can sit here and wallow or I can go and create a life that I want to create. And I was lucky in that my relationship with my ex husband was sound that we're still great friends, we're still connected. So there was never any animosity, there was never any sense of mistrust, the trust was never broken in our relationship. So I think, in that regard, having that strength in that relationship still continuing that, you know, going from being partners in life to back to being friends again, it was just like, okay, there's a transition here. But certainly that courage to go, right. What can I make for myself came from my mom for sure.
She sounds like an incredible woman.
Yeah, she is. She's my rock. Yeah, I definitely don't know how I would have had just the fortitude that I needed without her. Just unwavering support. She's been and my sister too, like they've both been this unwavering force behind me. It's kind of like we joked, when we were growing up, that we were the three amigos. We were the three amigos and I'm like, yeah, like now we're just like three older women.
Aging together, because my mom never remarried. I'm Sara Lee and my sister’s solo, my oh my god, what is going on? Three very strong, independent women doing life. But all of us are really happy. So I guess we're breaking the conventions of you need to have a relationship to be whole. And I know that certainly work I've had to acknowledge myself and I just thought, right, okay, if I can, if I can lean in and just create a life where I have fun whilst it doesn't look like I had hoped or dreamed of, but just embrace the messiness that has presented itself and have some fun with it.
I love that, embrace the messiness. Which is what you definitely did in order to come through what you have and then coming out the other end to feeling like you are now where you're happy and you've doing what you want to do with your business and with life. And you don't end up happy. Who doesn't want a puppy? Like get love, the packet filled from a puppy.
It’s the best. It's so good, it’s a bit creepy, though. I do pretend like he's a baby, sometimes. You have said that out loud. I pick him up and I have his little head on over my shoulder and I pretend that I'm sort of like, you know, rocking him like I would do baby away if anyone was watching this that you creepy, but it's just really nice just to have like his heartbeat next to mine and just have those cuddles. And I'm like, yeah, you know what, I'm going to get my fail in a different way. And the great thing is he sleeps through the night. The moment I got him, his potty training only lasted three months. And frankly, like it’s a breeze. I'm thinking God, yeah. Here's all this time I was thinking, oh my god, am I ever going to be in BAM? And now I'm like a parent.
Yeah. I'm important and it's the best
going with, you know, today, I put you on the show today just to talk about the inner critic, because, you know, so many women have this voice in their head. That is the inner critic. So I think let's get into it. Yeah, right. Let's crack it open. Let's bust it open and Let's talk in a critic. Why do we have it? what's what's going on? We missed that voice come from and why is it so nasty? Yeah, it's interesting.
I don't know if I know specifically all of the answers, but I know I have my take my take on it, you know, I look at the world. And I think it's weird because it's everyone's got this inner critic like there isn't a single human that has an experience, this inner voice that's either supported or challenged in some way. And I kind of look at it and think there is a part of us that is focused outside of ourselves, to look for validation to look for this sense of where do I fit in the world? Where do I belong? And when we start looking outside of us to what culture is dictating what the environment is dictating, we find ourselves feeling like we're less than because we look different, we sound different, we might have had a different upbringing, or a different educational background, different strengths and skills, and then we're comparing ourselves to this environment around us. And in some way, we're trying to find how we fit and look the same, like, it's almost like we're looking for where am I people like me. And when we find out people like me, we can start to feel safer, we're feeling okay. And there's that animalistic instinct in us that needs a tribe to feel safe, because our brain hasn't evolved massively from our hours of animal age. And therefore, our survival instinct is still very much reliant on actually, if I need to find my tribe, I can stay safe. And if I therefore need to stay safe, I need to fit and if I fit, great, because it means I'm safe. But the reality is, we are safe in this current environment from Earth, outside. From a physical standpoint, we haven't got saber toothed Tigers chasing us down in this current age, but our brain hasn't evolved to the extent that we, as humans have, have moved forward. So we've still got this part of us that is looking to be safe. And that dominates us in our thinking, because the inner critic comes in kind of challenging our thinking, because we're different, you know, and we've made different wrong, because different puts us outside of the environment, rather than within the environment of safety. Whereas what I've learned over time is actually our greatest job in our life isn't necessarily about staying safe. Whilst that's a you know, Maslow will say from a psychological needs perspective, you have to feel safe at a foundational level. And I think that's, that's true at human point. But when I think about what are we really here to do is our biggest thing is to stay connected to who we are, and what our heart tells us about who we are. And when I think about the inner critic, the reason why we have it is because it's living in our head, it's living in our mind, it's living in our brain. But when we take that journey from our head to our heart, that's where we find the truth. Our heart is very rarely, well is never not a cheerleader, I have never had a conversation from my heart. that's ever been critical that's ever been anything other than love that has ever been anything that has been dismissive of who I am, there's always this sense of, oh, you as you just as you are just as your messy, chaotic self, just as your incoherent versus your care here in the state, like all of you is loved when you're in your heart. But when you're in your head, we have these moments where our mind will believe anything we tell it. So one minute will tell it. Yeah, we belong. We fit, we're great, we're awesome. And the next minute, we'll look somewhere else, and go, Oh my God, I don't I must be rubbish, I must not be smart enough, I must not be good enough. And we've lost ourselves because we started looking outside of us rather than the power we have. So that's a really long winded answer to say something that was a really simple question. I love that. I
love that. But how do we? How do we make that click from our head to our heart? And how do we actually start to look within?
Yeah, good question. I think the first thing is you have to acknowledge when you are being critical of yourself, you are in your head. I think if you know that inner critic only ever lives in your head, then that's where you that's where you live. So if you can see it first and foremost, it's then going okay, well, how do I move away from it? So, I would say awareness absolutely has to be your first step. So notice your feelings. Notice your thoughts. So are your feelings strong? In joy and happiness? Or are they have fear, anxiety and discomfort because our negative feelings indicate whether we're closer to our inner critic IE in our head, versus the positive feelings that we feel in our heart. So your feelings will be a first step to be aware of. And then what thoughts are you thinking? Secondly, what I would say also is ask yourself a question when you are feeling the inner critic come up. And, and it's an interesting one, I'll give an example. Because I felt this the other day. And it's not to say it doesn't come up. I felt this other day. I and you and I are both part of a community of great women doing great work, and you get to see all of the awesomeness that people achieve. And sometimes I found myself looking down. Oh, wow, like, she's done this amazing job. Oh, I don't even know if I could ever do that. Oh, what should I do differently to to try and make myself better, but it wasn't coming from a place of Oh, like, I'm excited and enthused to do something better. It was coming from a place of Oh, I'm now feeling less than. And I'm feeling like I shouldn't be filling a hole within me. Because I've seen someone do something fabulous, right. And I had to stop myself because I thought all I've just noticed that that didn't feel so good. That feeling that I got just made me feel like I was somewhat disconnected to myself. So I paused and I just took a moment. And I just like literally put my hand on my heart. And I just said, Oh, what do you need right now? And literally just like, I'm listening to you my heart, what do you need right now. And it literally spoke, you know, not out loud. That would be weird. But it did spoke, it spoke to me. And it just said you're okay as you are like you're okay. And you don't necessarily need to do that same thing. What you need to do right now is just to stop, to rest to be with you to be happy. And you can do nothing and still be home. And it was just this moment of Oh, yeah. Okay, I don't need that. So I just stopped, allowed myself to sit with it. found myself in my little happy space, because I focused on my feelings. And then from that happy space, you can go Oh, what might I want to create for myself. And suddenly you get all these ideas of what you might want to do to grow yourself. But they're not coming from a place of I'm less than I'm, I'm less than the other person or I'm less than who I could be. It's just it's coming from a place of Oh, now I'm back in play mode. How can I play? How can I do something that's just fun, it's energetic. I've challenged myself. But it's coming from my heart. Because the energy that I feel now that I'm looking for this new opportunity to grow is very different to how it would have felt if I just gone Oh, I've seen someone do something and now go, Whoa, I should do something like that. Because that's amazing. And now I feel like I'm inadequate, you know, and you can start to see where the differences are when you feel inadequate, because you don't feel great.
I feel like what you've done too, is. Yeah, there were a couple of things that I was thinking when you were talking there, Glin. One of them to me was that it sounded to me like your inner critic comes from a scarcity mindset.
Where is your heart comes from is an abundance, it absolutely does spot on, Joe couldn't have said it better myself. And it really does. Because that scarcity is in a way going. I'm lacking in something, I'm missing something. I was born and I didn't have this special secret magic sauce that someone else has or I didn't get the looks. I didn't get the smarts. I didn't get the wealth. I didn't get this and we're all coming from a place of I'm missing something. And therefore I'm looking outside of myself to find it and fill this gap. And what I realize is actually when you come from your heart, you like your heart. Firstly, the number one most use muscle in your entire body, you know, so you kind of know what they're doing is keeping you alive and it's so incredibly powerful. Secondly, it is a source of truth like I've never known ever like asking my heart a question and just sitting with my feelings for them not to have guided me to where I need to be and your heart has the positive emotions. It has all of those connections and yes, it can hurt. But when it hurts, it's often because you've disconnected from it because you kind of gone okay in heartbreak. For example, if you're feeling pain, it's because you've loved and now you feel like you're lacking in love. So back to that scarcity again, right? whereas your heart always knows there's love. There's an abundance of love available and you can continue to love. Even if, say in my example, like my husband's no longer my husband, I can still have unconditional love. Like I don't need to have that attachment to get from my heart, I can go okay, I can still love you, I can still love myself and still feel whole. When I'm in my heart. And I think you're spot on when you say, the main difference between your head and your heart is the scarcity versus the abundance like, yeah, there's a reason why people say follow your heart. There's intuition and guidance that is there. That's beyond anything that any logical scientific explanation needs to validate that there's something far greater. And I'm a big believer in science, but also the metaphysical world where I just think there's a lot of things that we can feel energetically, that can't always be explained by just raw facts. It's kind of like there's a mystical element to life and how it unfolds, you know, like, you have to believe in sometimes what you can't see, in order to trust that you'll be led to where you need to go. And, and that's what I think my heart will always leave me. Yeah, I love it.
I love what you've been saying. And one of the things that kind of stuck out to me too, when you were talking is that, you know, we as women are often very busy, we've got, you know, the load of our families, if we've got family, we've got the load of work, we've got the load, we just carry such a mental load. Yeah. But while you're talking, one of the things that I loved about what you were saying was taking that moment to stop Yeah, and get into and tune with you and to your heart. Because I think when I know for myself, when the inner critic goes rampant, and you know, it just gets bigger and escalates and escalates and escalates, that's when my joints stop and restart what's happening and actually get in tune with my heart. And I find that I keep going, and it just kind of snowballs and just gets louder and bigger and louder, and it doesn't stop. So I love that you've just highlighted that we should stop and just get back and shown and just look at, you know who we are, and get back in tune with what our heart and
say, is, and I think Yeah, and I thank you, thank you for capturing that because I think we don't do enough of that pausing that. And when you think about pieces of music, right? Music is creative, because there is silence between the notes. Like if you can imagine what a complete clusterfuck music would be, if there was no space between the nodes, like it just be noise, it just there wouldn't be any beauty in the music, you know, there is, you know, chapters on a page, but are separated by full stop sentences are separated by full stops this space between words, for things to make sense. And I kind of look at, you know, all of these examples of where there is space. That's what we need to create for ourselves for it to make sense. You know, if we just keep living in our head, and in this constant state of doing, doing, doing and we allow our thoughts to consistently just keep growing and rolling out, rolling is over. We're not creating that space for our life to have this sense of sense making. And that pause creates that opportunity for it to make sense for the music to be to me to be made for us to choose very carefully how we want to construct and choreograph the life that we're living, and then pausing in this current environment where we're, we're busy being busy. And for the most part, when it comes to the inner critic, we're looking outside to the world to say, what is it that we should be busy doing? And what should my life stand for? And what should I be creating? Where is it now and I was that person, I was this person. And I kind of liken it to sort of this description that David Brooks who wrote the book, second mountain had said, were like, we've got this first mountain that we climb when we're sort of in the state of unconsciousness, but we're letting society tell us we need nice houses, nice cars, we need job titles that you know, our fancy money, we need to keep elevating ourselves and getting better and better and better. And sometimes you get to the top and a lot. And this happens to a lot of well paid executive CEOs that they get there. And then there's this emptiness, they have made it to the top of this first mountain, I've got all the money that I need. I've got a great house, I've got family, kids, all of the stuff that I think I should have had. But there's something missing, like there is something missing, I feel completely disconnected to myself. And then they sort of find themselves taking the step down the mountain into this valley, what we call the dark valley of the night at times, you know, the Dark Soul of the night. And this experience of I don't know who I am, whereas life is going to give me meaning. And then they embark on this journey to the second mountain, which isn't about accolades or achievements from an external world. It's about this deep sense of understanding of who you are and the contribution that you get to make when you step into the truth of who you are. And I think that's what the space provides you with is that space between choosing a path that allows you to continue to stay unconscious to the journey that you're on and, and some people don't get me wrong, Jo, people can be really happy being unconscious doing, doing what everyone else does. And that's okay. Like there's no judgment around that. But I often think the magic comes from when you do pause, and you start to question your life and you start to question who you are and what you want. Because you've started to realize the traps that you fall into when culture is dictating like me amount of people I coach that are miserable in their jobs, or because they followed the culture that said, they needed to put all of their their kids through private school, have big houses with excessive mortgages, and now they're spending less time with their family than they ever imagined. They are busy, busy, busy having to make the income to create the life that they thought they should have. And actually, all they want is freedom and joy. And I'm like, Well, you could have had freedom and joy by making different choices. But if you were in your heart, you'd have made those choices. But because you're in your head, you follow the guidance outside of you rather than within you. So yeah.
I absolutely love that. Another question that I've got as well, is, why does the inner critic have to be so mean? Why does it have to be mean? Because you know, some of the things that I think of that my inner critic has said to me, I would never ever say to another human being? Never. But why?
Why is it so mean?
I think it's it's back to that safety mechanism is trying to keep you safe. Because it thinks you're putting yourself in danger. If you step yourself out of your comfort zone.
It's like, the more you step out the, the louder it will be or is it
The bigger growth, like, if you imagine if we take it back to our animal instincts, and we're going, Okay, we're wandering the world, and we can be eaten by we can be eaten as prey by by other animals that are dangerous, right? So we're constantly on high heightened alert, we're in fight or flight mode. And we're kind of going okay, how do I scan my environment? How do I know that I'm safe, right? And you're you're staying with what you know, you're eating the food that you need to you got your instincts, right. Whereas where we are now we don't have the same physical threats. But what we have is an an intellectual threat, right? This intellectual threat in our environments around us that we're overthinking things we're trying to find the sense making in our minds. But every time when you think about when you and I'll ask this right, when your inner critic shows up? Is it showing up? Usually, when you're trying to do something you've never done before? Is it showing up when you've started to look outside of yourself to what someone else is doing and saying, Oh, I'm not doing the same thing, or I don't look the same as them. And therefore there must be something wrong with me, because in order for me to fit back to my earlier point, in order for me to fit, I should have this local personality or way of being, I should have these things that say that I can fit and belong. And then you if you're pushing yourself and pushing stuff to change that inner critics going, Oh, hold on a minute, like, yeah, you want all that stuff based on what's outside of you. But what if you fail, what if you don't make it out there, then you're going to be left exposed, and then you being exposed is going to be under greater threat, then if you just stay as you are now? Like, I'm trying to keep you safe. And I'm being mean, because you really have to work hard to challenge my meanness. So I never look at your inner critic is there. But I do think it's driven by this mechanism to keep you safe out of harm's way. I don't think it's there to take you off off path that it thinks is right for you. The issue is that your inner critic isn't objective enough, like it will believe whatever you tell it. So your IT LOOKS it's scanning the external environment to understand what's true, rather than knowing your internal environment, which absolutely knows what true is true. Does that make sense?
Yeah, absolutely. And I think too, that we don't check it. Do we inner critic? We just let it run rampant. Yeah. And we don't you know, I know with myself, you know, through your course that I've done. I have been able to pull it back in. Yeah, but I know But it hadn't been pulled in for many, many years. And we don't do that do we? Now,
and the easiest way and the simple method is name it first and foremost. So it doesn't become something that's your, if you identify with it as you then you're making it, it really hard to distinguish that, that that it's not you like it's not your heart, it's something separate, it's you know, just a, it's the mind construct, you know, so if you name it, you know, you can get an iPhone, my nails, because I'm going off nailer I want to nail her is a nasty piece of work at times, but I know deep down all she trying to do is keep me safe, because she thinks I'm going to kill myself by doing things that are scary or fail on make a complete tip out myself. So I know she's trying to do the right thing. But she is really mean and she's nasty. And I'm like, right, I'm gonna nail her like you're gonna be out. But I realize that she only comes up when I'm living in my head. She is silent, like she's nowhere to be seen when I'm in my heart. And that only comes through a conscious level of awareness and choosing time to pause, and an opportunity to really deepen your understanding of who you are. Because when you when you do step into your heart, like one, I see you stepping in your heart, and I see Goofy, funny, sparkly, happy, excitable, energetic, Joe, that brings with her all of her serious business acumen and smarts and the skills that just fires her up. And she knows how to make a meaningful difference. But I see this warmth, I see this truth. So this energetic sense of she knows who she is. And when you're living in that space of knowing who you truly are, like your heart. It's just infectious from you people are attracted to they want to be around you like you're just a joy. And that's where it is when like we see what people are like when they're in their heads like man, it's exhausting. exhausting being around people that are constantly questioning themselves and doubting themselves. And, you know, it is it is but I was,
I was in my head until Yeah, I worked with you on Unstoppable Woman I was in my head a lot. And you know, I think one of the biggest changes with naming my inner critic. Yeah, it just, yeah, took her from being in me and in my head to actually to me being somebody physical that I could actually visualize, and actually tell but you know, I'm actually Okay, I've got this. So you can go now, when I play my Moaning Myrtle because, you know, she does moans at me all the time. You're not doing this, right. But yeah, now I feel like we have nicer conversations. She does raise a heat. But they're nicer conversations. But I find that I talked nicer to her.
Because you're in your heart, because you know who you are. So when you're in your heart, you can talk nicely because your heart only knows unconditional love to needs like her to be nice to be nice back, you're just like, I'm going to love you. Because I know what you're trying to do is keep me safe. So I'm in my heart, and I'm going to have a conversation with you. That's encouraging, and you'll Sue yourself down. And it's great. I love that.
I feel like I've really quite down a lot. But thanks to you. Quite a lot. But Glin, I know that. You know, I've asked you if you've got any tips for any of my listeners who are listening who have I mean, what you've shared already, I'm sure it has been just such a great help anyway. But I know that you said that, you know, you can have a couple of tips as well for any women out there who are struggling, you know, with that inner critic.
Yeah, so just so from an inner critic perspective, remember, your ego is what's driving it and your ego lives in your head. So your truth lives in your heart. So first and foremost, if you feel like your inner critic’s rampant, just remember, it's your ego and you're in your head, and that you want to take the journey to your heart. Secondly, take time to pause, you know, physically Put your hand on your heart and say, you know, I love you, I'm listening, and listen for what it tells you. And it sounds wacky, but it works. Like you just get this inner sense of calm and peace and you kind of just intuitively know where it's guiding you and you might not get that the first time but you have to just trust that you sit with it find somewhere quiet, whether it's you know, a safe spot by the water on the beach or in nature, or you know, a nice quiet spot in your home, wherever feels safe to you. Just sit with yourself, put your hand on your heart and say I love you. I'm listening. What do you need me to know? And it will give you some guidance on what what you really need right now. And sometimes it could just be just be kind, you know, just soothe yourself. It's okay, like we've got this. And then the final thing I'd say is always be aware of your feet. If you can be aware of your feelings first and foremost, the inner critic, feelings are pretty obvious. They're not going to be great feelings. And then I'd say once you can see your feelings, just ask, what in this moment could be a better feeling that I could access? Like, what is the one feeling that I can set myself up to? That helps me feel like I've just got a better sense of control over what I'm going through right now rather than not and I think when you start practicing that to kind of go Okay, like, if I'm feeling despair, because my inner critic is going nuts, I'm like, Okay, well, what will give me control what will give me a sense of fi feeling better and, and it sounds weird, but sometimes even stepping up to anger is a step up. Because energetically, anger has you feeling more in control than the word despair does like feelings of despair, or like, Oh my god, like nothing's gonna work. I was angers like, I am. So cross right now. Like, you need to just shut up and leave me alone and earth. And sometimes that's okay. Because you can just go right, I've set myself up energetically from an emotion and have access to feeling that might on the surface feel negative, but actually is a better feeling than the one I was feeling. And that's what I'd say is my third tip. Just step yourself at one feeling at a time and you'll know intuitively what might feel better. And when you've got got that sort of method, those three things just that sense of, am I in my head or in my heart? Can I take a moment to pause and ask myself or my heart what it needs? And then can I just monitor my feelings. And when I'm feeling a little bit achy, choose one better feeling above it that you think you can access in that moment?
Oh, my gosh, I love you so much. Your wealth of knowledge in this topic, so much, you have just shared so much wisdom in such a short amount of time. Thank you so much wisdom, with regards to what we can do. And I'm really excited because as I said to the listeners, Glin has got an amazing course called unstoppable woman that she releases a couple of times a year, I was lucky enough to be on her last intake, I met some incredible women. And yeah, truly got, I think it was one of the things that you do in your course, you do a personality report. And I printed it all off. And I looked at it and I took it up to my husband and I actually put it on his desk and just said to him, if you truly want to understand your wife, you will read through this report. And it is absolutely spot on. So if you want to know me read the report. Yeah, I just loved it. And I love your three tips as well. And you're going to be a guest expert in the Business and Sequins membership as well.
Cannot Wait, I'm so excited that I feel like we're gonna have so much fun like your members. And I'm going to be there right with them enjoying the journey, because I just feel like, we need more of that we need more of this sparkle in business. I certainly know how lonely it's been doing the journey of business on my own until I joined a mastermind group of my own and I just think it is one of the most powerful, most forgiving things that we can do for ourselves is to create a beautiful community that's honest and open and shares and, and gives, you know, a wealth of knowledge that we can lift each other up. And yeah, I'm so excited for your for your program.
So am I I'm so excited for the membership as well because that's what I want to do. I want to be a cheerleader, I want to be able to cheerlead women on through business, health and wealth, and just be able to share the women's stories and just share tips and hints and shortcuts and things like that, and just have that community. Because I feel like when I was starting out in business, and with children and things like that, those were the three kind of pillars that I really wanted. I wish I had nailed back then I had support. And so I want to be there for other women. So I'm so excited. And I'm so excited you're going to be one of the guests is so good. I'm so looking forward to it. I'm going we're going to pop for any of the listeners, we will pop in the show notes, all of the details. And there's all of the con how to contact Glin as well if you've got any questions about the show, or if you've got any questions about her course that she's got coming out to and follow Glin on Instagram, she has some amazing tips and hints and things like that. And I love your whole gear. you've just done a whole thing on courage. And I've loved all of your posts on courage that you've done as well. And I've loved all of your lives that you've been doing because you just give such great advice, really practical advice for all women to just, you know, be able to take Yeah, find the truth and implement straightaway as well. And but thank you so much, Glin for coming on today. Oh, actually, I almost forgot my two. My two questions that I asked everyone. I'm so excited. I almost forgot. So I have got two questions that I like to ask. So if you could pick a color of a sequins that best describes your personality, what color would it be?
I would have to say it's probably Navy Navy is like my favorite color. But a sparkly Navy would be just gorgeous. And the reason why I say that is it kind of reminds me of like, the color of the ocean, the deepness of the ocean, I am a deep and meaningful and connected person for for a long time, I felt like I needed to be something more until I realized that I just needed to love all of my depth and all of what I offer. So yeah, Navy, with, you know, with some hints of turquoise sparkle, it's as you see the sunshine glisten on the on the ocean, that would be my color
bed. It describes you to a tee that describes you to the tee, and then also to on the sequins scale of one to 10. One being that you're finding it hard to put yourself out of bed in the morning, or team being that you're dropping sequins and glitter everywhere you go. Where do you Where do you currently see yourself on the sequins scale?
I'd say somewhere between nine and 10. I think the only reason it's not a 10 is because we're in lockdown. And I am feeling like I'm missing my family in the UK. And there's there is that little niggle in my mind of not knowing when the borders will open and when I'll be able to see them again. So I am definitely my heart's feeling, you know, a longing to have, you know, my mum's food and to give her a huge hug and to see my sister and give her a huge hug. And so, yeah, but I would say still between like a nine and 10 because life's magical, like you have to make the most of what you've got. And I certainly feel like whilst it's a coaster like I'm not, I'm not always feeling the vibe that I want to be feeling. And I let that you know that let those emotions be felt and it's okay. But I would say 99% of the time I'm living in that nine to 10, which is just awesome. I love that you actually call it a secret The scale is.
I want one.
Yeah, I just I love you so much, Glin. Thank you so much. I'm sure that the listeners have got just so much value out of it. But thank you so much for sharing your expertise with us.
Thank you for having me and I can't wait to catch up and give me a big beautiful hug.
Thank me to Vito. Okay, take care. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of business and sequins. Thank you so much for letting me be the voice in your ear or the noise in your ear for this last little bit. I hope that you've managed to find some form of inspiration or motivation, or even that put a sparkle that you're looking for in the stories and conversations that you've just heard. Don't forget, if you're wanting a bit of help, and business, health or wealth, then don't forget that we've got our Business and Sequins membership. So thanks again for joining me and I look forward to having you join me on the next episode.